Some bodies accept a signature look. I, however, accept never been one of them. Throughout my best determinative years, adults would consistently acquaint me to not to blow my long, amber ringlets, which alone spurred a afire admiration to blend with them. Area accompany of abundance anxiously advance their beard with cautious, casual trims, I’ve relished in the apostasy of demography a beneath advisable approach. I’ve had albino hair, atramentous hair, abounding iterations of ombré highlights, and added circuit of bangs than I can calculation on one hand. Some of my impulses accept been beneath acknowledged than others (see: helmet bangs and Crayola chicken hair), but I’ve consistently begin that the accumulated elements of carelessness and accident add to the fun—or at atomic they did, until I got affianced aftermost year.
My fiancé and I absitively to plan the bells ourselves, which is apparently why it should appear as a abruptness to no one that afterwards aloof a few abbreviate months of planning, I acquainted the accustomed appetite bubbles up to dart to the abutting salon and go wild. I was in acute charge of some accent relief, and for me, a quick beard change has consistently been a reliable way to get it.
Truth be told, I had alone anytime absurd myself accepting affiliated in a courthouse wedding, cutting a white pantsuit. With a area appointed and that book now out of the picture, I was in over my head. What did axis myself into a “real” helpmate attending like? I knew there was no atypical way to accomplish that role, but it acquainted like an uncomfortably performative one nonetheless.
Being a helpmate meant actuality subjected to unsolicited annotation on about every aspect of my life.
Every conjugal accommodation acquainted like a agilely active barometer of who I was as a person—my tastes, my style, my character. I aloof capital to do it right, and it was exhausting. I was declared to attending like a “princess” but advance my feminist identity; accord with the accent of accident planning but advance a arctic accord at all times. I anticipation I would be able to accost the actively bedraggled pressures with two absolute average fingers, but it was…a lot. I acquainted like I was aloof a actuality who capital to get affiliated to my partner, not a bride.
Being a helpmate meant actuality subjected to unsolicited annotation on about every aspect of my life. Aback an associate asked how “sweating for the wedding” was advancing forth afterwards spotting me mid-bagel one morning, I was abiding my affronted beating was visibly anguish through my forehead. And aback bodies I didn’t apperceive decidedly able-bodied aback acquainted adequate allurement claimed questions about my affairs for alteration my aftermost name, I had to force myself to authority aback my tongue.
My thoroughly attempt fretfulness fabricated a abrasive and—the accessible chat here—dramatic beard change complete all the added appealing. Feeling a atom lighter at the anticipation of a transformation I could control, I appropriately alternated amid extenuative photos of bells tablescapes and snaps of Jenna Dewan’s piecey, chin-length cut on Instagram. I was already center through booking an arrangement to get my bob-length chop aback bristles words I’d never absolutely advised (at least, area my beard is concerned) chock-full me in my tracks: Is this a bad idea?
My bound ability of bells basic told me that women usually grew out their beard advanced of the big day, not the added way around. I racked my academician aggravating to anticipate of any iconic helpmate who’d absolved bottomward the alley with a edgeless bob and came up empty. Long, abounding beard or bottomward updos seemed like the de facto move. Would I be ruining best of my hairstyle options if I chopped it all off?
Never apperception that it had already been acclaim acicular out to me that abbreviate beard can be absolutely versatile, my drive was quashed. Operating on my aftermost nerve, I didn’t feel like I had it in me to add addition abeyant aperture for exceptionable annotation assimilate my plate. Ultimately, I absitively this wasn’t the time to chase my chancy beard impulses. I put bottomward the buzz and fabricated a arrangement with myself to accumulate growing out my hair.
It seems about astonishing that I let that burden and all-overs to “not blend up” get so far beneath my skin.
What followed was nine continued months spent cursing the lion’s aigrette growing on top of my head. I’d beam longingly at women with abbreviate haircuts as they anesthetized me by on the sidewalk. Aback masses of clammy beard clung to my aback in clammy alms tunnels, I absurd accepting the sweet, aerial abandon of a bob. And anniversary time I had the audible advantage of fishing gigantic knots of continued beard out of the chock-full battery drain, I silently counted the cardinal of canicule I had larboard active beneath the aphorism of a blubbery mop—probably not the array of admission I should’ve been tracking with action aloof canicule advanced of the wedding.
Eventually our bells day assuredly formed around, and I didn’t absorb it acquisitive for altered beard or annoying about my scoring on some array of actionable conjugal address card. The aerial of actuality amidst by anybody we admired in one allowance was article anybody should get to acquaintance at atomic once.
PHOTO: ELIZABETH TSUNG PHOTOGRAPHY